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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27392827">Tired (But we don't talk about that)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichelleM/pseuds/MichelleM'>MichelleM</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Death, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 22:28:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>540</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27392827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichelleM/pseuds/MichelleM</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Raphael is tired (But we don't talk about that)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Tired (But we don't talk about that)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Guess whose back back back, back again! Yep, it's me. I had quite a few real life things happen that made writing almost impossible. Buuut, I'm back, and I managed to save some of my old work. I'll be posting the works I managed to salvage first, (Sadly I only saved some chapters of Clingy) and then new stuff. Well, I think I've kept you here long enough. </p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Raphael is tired,  tired damn it<br/>
Tired of the secrets, the lies<br/>
(And when did his life turn into this)<br/>
~~~~<br/>
He is ten, and his father is now a memory, a thing not here<br/>
His mama is tired, and she asks him for help<br/>
(This is the first day he learns what tired really is, but it won’t be the last)<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
Raphael is sixteen, but he is not a teenager, is not a boy<br/>
He is a man, a father, a provider<br/>
He is tired<br/>
~~~~<br/>
Raphael knows he shouldn’t. That he should leave this, this, whatever it is to someone else<br/>
But his brothers (might as well be his children, but we don’t talk about that) are scared, and so he must deal with the threat</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The threat deals with him<br/>
~~~~<br/>
Raphael is cold. No, not cold. Something worse, something closer to hell.<br/>
(He’ll soon learn that hell can be very, very cold)<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
Raphael is tired. He is a provider, caretaker, a pretender<br/>
His mama knows something is off, but (we don’t talk about that)<br/>
~~~~<br/>
His mama is tired, but she gets to rest<br/>
Forever<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
Raphael is tired, but there is no rest for the wicked<br/>
He is a provider, caretaker, and now he has to control his leader, hide her decidedly not tired actions<br/>
~~~<br/>
Raphael is tired, but for the first time in fifty years, he is a l e r t<br/>
Simon Lewis is like adrenaline, makes Raphael’s not dead heart race, makes it hard to think<br/>
For the first time in his forever, Raphael begins to think about not being tired<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
This is the thing about hope, about thinking you can be not tired<br/>
When it all comes crashing down, it will B U R N<br/>
Turns out, hell can be hot too<br/>
~~~<br/>
Raphael is a provider, a caretaker, a  l e a d e r<br/>
Raphael is tired (but we don’t talk about that)<br/>
Raphael is many things, but the worst of these is the tired<br/>
Worse, now that he knows what nottired feels like.<br/>
~~~~<br/>
Raphael tries not to let the tired show, when he threatens his adrenaline in the boat shed (his heart hurts, but, we don’t talk about that), and he almost think he succeeds</p>
<p>When he gets back home, the tiredness is worse.<br/>
So, so much worse<br/>
~~~~~~<br/>
He knew the Clave would come for him, knew it in his bones the moment Camille was freed<br/>
He thinks the pain should be worse than it is (Aldertree did a number on him), but he doesn’t tell Magnus that, doesn’t tell him that the tiredness blankets everything<br/>
And then, the reason he’s like this is there </p>
<p>He is tired, and seeing the fledgling will only make it worse (now, there was a time that he chased it away but, we don’t talk about that)<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
Raphael is a provider, protector, and leader<br/>
Raphael is tired, more tired than he can ever remember being<br/>
But now, he’s resting<br/>
~~~~~~~~~<br/>
When Simon feels the wrenching pain in his chest, he instinctively knows what it is, doesn’t need Clary’s words to tell him<br/>
(Valentine got to him, I’m sorry, we weren’t able to save Raphael)<br/>
And for the first time in his eternity, Simon knows what is to be tired</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, what do you think? Feel free to leave comments, kudos, suggestions and requests.  Thanks!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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